Monday, March 28, 2011

down but not out

 

Two weeks ago I started feeling off.  It felt a lot like I felt last January and that was scary.  I went to work, to court, then finally gave up and went home.  Waking up at 3 a.m. the next day I had to crawl to the bathroom as I was so dizzy and nauseas that I couldn’t stand up.  The fever and chills started and when I finally got a call back from my doc my temp had hit 102 and I was directed to the ER.  I got in the car with tears in my eyes and with so much trepidation, I went.

I got to the ER with hands cramped from a lack of oxygen, a really low pulse, a high heart rate and so much pain.  I had an IV, x-rays and CT within the hour and was on my way to a room, 3048, in just a few more.  All quite speedy for the average ER (2:30 on a Tuesday afternoon.  Go figure).

Being moved to that room on that floor I was scared, downright petrified really.  But I knew how things worked there and I knew I wanted to be better and home ASAP.  There were tests and doctors popping in.  There was a midline put in at my bedside (for the second time in 3 years, thanks Suzy!) that made things worlds easier and there was the continued bad feeling.  There were some bad fever spikes, more low blood pressure, a constant potassium drip and as each day moved in to the next, the fear that I’d be there longer than acceptable.

After all the tests the decision was a virus that had upset my Crohn’s and was making itself comfy in my gut.  As soon as it started to make an exit I tried to reach a détente with food, the condition precedent to my being able to go home.  It didn’t go so well at first, but eventually the graham crackers and I reached an agreement of sorts.  After 6 long days I was on my way home.  I was exhausted but I was on my way home.

I went back to work the next day and even though I tried to take it easy, I felt like I’d been hit by a bus.  The week went on forever and I still didn’t feel quite like me.  I’m still not sure I’m all the way there yet and when things are knocked down, it’s hard to get back to where they were.  And this is where things get frustrating – I take meds to keep my immune system out of complete freak out mode, but this also suppresses it, making it easier to get every darn bug, virus and bacteria that comes within sneezing distance.  But without those meds things run amuck and my Crohn’s is way out of control.  I’m not crazy about the side effects of the 12 pills I take each day and I’m not sure that they work so well.  I want to try something new, but know that everything has side effects and I might be poking the bear.  It’s a balancing act that I’m hope to walk smoothly.

So I continue to be on the mend.  I wonder if I couldn’t have fought it off at home, but am guessing that as much as hospital stays are frustrating and scary, going was the right thing to do.  I have been running low on energy but I am hoping to be back on my treadmill soon.  The virus knocked me down, but not out for sure.  As they say…onward!

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