down but not out

 

Two weeks ago I started feeling off.  It felt a lot like I felt last January and that was scary.  I went to work, to court, then finally gave up and went home.  Waking up at 3 a.m. the next day I had to crawl to the bathroom as I was so dizzy and nauseas that I couldn’t stand up.  The fever and chills started and when I finally got a call back from my doc my temp had hit 102 and I was directed to the ER.  I got in the car with tears in my eyes and with so much trepidation, I went.

I got to the ER with hands cramped from a lack of oxygen, a really low pulse, a high heart rate and so much pain.  I had an IV, x-rays and CT within the hour and was on my way to a room, 3048, in just a few more.  All quite speedy for the average ER (2:30 on a Tuesday afternoon.  Go figure).

Being moved to that room on that floor I was scared, downright petrified really.  But I knew how things worked there and I knew I wanted to be better and home ASAP.  There were tests and doctors popping in.  There was a midline put in at my bedside (for the second time in 3 years, thanks Suzy!) that made things worlds easier and there was the continued bad feeling.  There were some bad fever spikes, more low blood pressure, a constant potassium drip and as each day moved in to the next, the fear that I’d be there longer than acceptable.

After all the tests the decision was a virus that had upset my Crohn’s and was making itself comfy in my gut.  As soon as it started to make an exit I tried to reach a détente with food, the condition precedent to my being able to go home.  It didn’t go so well at first, but eventually the graham crackers and I reached an agreement of sorts.  After 6 long days I was on my way home.  I was exhausted but I was on my way home.

I went back to work the next day and even though I tried to take it easy, I felt like I’d been hit by a bus.  The week went on forever and I still didn’t feel quite like me.  I’m still not sure I’m all the way there yet and when things are knocked down, it’s hard to get back to where they were.  And this is where things get frustrating – I take meds to keep my immune system out of complete freak out mode, but this also suppresses it, making it easier to get every darn bug, virus and bacteria that comes within sneezing distance.  But without those meds things run amuck and my Crohn’s is way out of control.  I’m not crazy about the side effects of the 12 pills I take each day and I’m not sure that they work so well.  I want to try something new, but know that everything has side effects and I might be poking the bear.  It’s a balancing act that I’m hope to walk smoothly.

So I continue to be on the mend.  I wonder if I couldn’t have fought it off at home, but am guessing that as much as hospital stays are frustrating and scary, going was the right thing to do.  I have been running low on energy but I am hoping to be back on my treadmill soon.  The virus knocked me down, but not out for sure.  As they say…onward!

it's true!

the 2011 Las Vegas Rock n' Roll Half Marathon will be run at night!  the half will start at 5:30 p.m. on December 4, 2011 and i couldn't be more excited!  doing it at night will make the spectators a whole different crowd and give all of us taking those steps so many more things to see along the way.  with my Team Challenge family, it's going to be another wonderful experience.

3.52 and a rumor

i stepped on the treadmill yesterday to give it a go in earnest for the first time in weeks.  it was the the first day in many that i didn't feel completely at war with my crohn's and i wasn't super stuffy from whatever upper respiratory silliness has been lingering for a while.  i felt great the first quarter mile or so.  i even ran for four minutes straight (that isn't a long, nor is it a great athletic feat, but for me, who is not a runner, and who has bad knees, it was a good thing).  around 1.25 miles, i started feeling a little worn out.  maybe i had started out too fast?  maybe i was dehydrated?  maybe i was just that pathetically out of shape?  i kept at it and had hit two miles before i thought i would.  i was adjusting the speed between 3.8 and 4.2 and kept putting one foot in front of the other.   i started to get my stride in order and was feeling pretty good by the middle of the second mile.  i decided to focus more on time than distance and got in a solid 55 minutes before i shut it down.  it wasn't the fastest pacing, it certainly wasn't the most even, but it was a good distance and time for having been away from it for almost two months and i'm happy with it.

as for the rumor...the buzz is that this is going to be run at night this year.  at night!

quiet

things have been quiet here.  well, quiet on the work out front.  my crohn's (so funny that i refer to it as 'mine', but i think taking ownership is important), and a sinus infection haven't been quiet as subdued.  it is times when i can't get out to do what i so want to that remind why i started the Team Challenge journey.  i haven't been getting in the miles i want, but the dedication and motivation are both still very much there.  i will get back on the treadmill.  i will get back on the track.  i will be in vegas in december.  and one day, my crohn's will be something  i had, not something i have to fight.

one year ago today started the longest 27 days of my life

 

today is filled with so many emotions for me.  there is joy and pride at where i am just a year later and how hard i worked to get here.  there is sadness that things got where they were and that my friends and family had to deal with any of that.  there is fear that i'll ever have to feel that terrible again.  there is some confusion as there are days and times i don't recall even after having the pieces filled in by several different people.  there is frustration that i ever had to feel so scared and so much pain.  there is thankfulness for the people who did so much to make those days as not-awful as they could have in even the smallest ways.  there is wonder at what the human body can endure and come back from.  there is empowerment at the way i chose to deal with things that i normally have so little control over.  there is frustration that i still have struggles and that medications still aren't quite in balance.  there is humble knowing that to get things completely sorted that is going to take other people, and knowing that there are still days when i have to give in and let crohn's have its way.  those 27 days in the hospital, the longest of my life, started one year ago - they were the beginning of a year of change, growth, hope and so much more.  crohn's is an awful thing.  it's a scary thing.  but i can look back at the last year and know that crohn's didn't get the best of me, it allowed me to be strong when i felt anything but.  so today is going to be an 'abbe day' where i'm allowed to feel and think and process.  and it's a day that i am again reminded that i am tougher than crohn's and that i have it, not the other way around.

Just about 18

 

This week I got in just about 18 miles on the treadmill.  I wasn’t able to do it every day I wanted to, but I feel pretty good about the mileage. 

I have been working on upping my speed for longer periods of time.  My hope is that I’ll be able to build up speed to go with the miles I am already to do.  I have also been giving short periods of running a try.  My knees don’t love it, so not sure I’ll be able to do a mixed workouts for higher mileage days, but if I can tolerate the running, I’m happy to mix it in.

I can’t wait for tomorrow so I can add a few more miles to my tally.

Keeping it up

 

So I’ve had my treadmill for about 10 days and I love it.  It is so great to be able to work out when I want, even if that is at a strange time, without having to pack up and head to a gym or figure out to be outside without a) freezing and b) falling on the ice.  I was lucky to have cooperative weather leading up to Vegas so I could be outside right up until I left for the airport, but it is presently 1 degree without taking the windchill into account. 

I’ve been able to keep my mileage up, doing between 5 and 6 miles at a time, and I have been able to keep better track of my speed because I can regulate it.  I’ve upped my MPH to 3.9, which feels great, and when I’m done I don’t feel exhausted or sore at all.  I think I can speed things up a bit, but I’d like to tack on a few more miles before I do.  Maybe this December I’ll be able to run/walk those 13.1 miles…A girl can dream, right?

Mile by mile, I’m keeping it up, keeping in shape, and keeping Vegas in my sights.

A follow up, finally. And big plans.

I posted in December that race weekend with Team Challenge was amazing.  Sadly, that word doesn't even come close.  I came home on a huge high and couldn't help but smile and even tear up a bit when telling people about it.  It was the best experience I could have hoped for and the more I talked about it, the more I processed it, and the more I understood what my being there, what Team Challenge and CCFA mean.  I was sure from the moment I crossed the finish line that I wanted to do it all again.  As the days passed I was hoping that the feelings I had weren't fleeting and weren't just some strange adrenalin reaction.  I'm sure now they weren't.

December was busy for me with a business trip just after Vegas and a much needed family vacation the week before Christmas.  But I couldn't get Team Challenge off my mind.  I also couldn't get off my mind the itch to be out walking, jogging, anything.  The weather had been more than cooperative before Vegas, letting me get the miles in outdoors.  And while it hasn't been a bad winter by any stretch, it has gotten fairly cold (it's supposed to be in the 40's next week which is great, but not to be counted on).  I did my homework and today I got my new treadmill.  I spent 3 hours putting it together, made sure it worked, then walked upstairs and tried to forget it was there.  I'll be thrilled that it's there tomorrow after work, but for now, it's resting, as am I.  I am so happy to have it because it lets me work out when I want, not when the weather and work are cooperating.  It lets me work around my Crohn's and not feel like it has any more control than it already does.  And it means I'll be working towards crossing the finish line in Vegas on December 4, 2011 with a quicker time and less nerves about the miles.

I'll be in Vegas in December, hopefully as a mentor.  I had so many questions throughout the training process that without the wonderful coaches and mentors that Team Challenge has, I'm not sure I could have even come close to any of my goals.  I want to help make the experience great for other people.

Fundraising will start early summer again, and hopefully all of the amazing people who donated to make research, trips to Camp Oasis and services for people with Crohn's and colitis possible, will see all the good they have done and will be willing to step up and help again.  The smile on my face certainly shows all the good that has been done, and I think that'll go a long way.

This year is starting off wonderfully, and without a serious Crohn's flare to keep me down for so long like last year, it's going to continue just the same way.  This year - big things!

13.1, done!

 

I did it!  More to come, but for now – it was amazing, wonderful, moving, touching, inspiring, exhausting, uplifting, surprising and so many more things that don’t quite fit into words.  It felt incredible to be tougher, stronger and more determined than Crohn’s; incredible to win. 

But yes, more to come…

6.2

 

I didn’t get in the mileage I was hoping for this morning, but I got in a good 6.2 before Crohn’s got in the way.  But that’s why I’m doing this, right? I was pacing at 14.9 minutes/mile, a good time and just over 3 minutes/mile faster than where I need to be in Vegas (which is in 2 weeks…what?!?).  I’m not sure how it has gotten so close since it has seemed so far away for quite a while now, but here it is.

I’ll hopefully be able to get out again tomorrow and get in the mileage I wanted for today.  Then I’m told it’s time to taper.

5.5, 6.5 and 9.6

 

I’ve been quite bad at updating lately, but the miles have bee ticking by.  In the last seven days I have hit 5.5, 6.5 and 9.6.  I felt good after each, and after today’s 9.6 I felt like I had at least another mile or two in me before I would have chosen to stop.  I could have kept going past that, but that’s where I would have stopped.  I called it a day at 9.6 because my left knee was a bit achy so I thought I’d end things before it moved to hurt.

9.6 miles took me 2 hours and 3 minutes.  No land speed records here, but I am on pace to finish with plenty of time left in Vegas.  I know races, especially races with lots of people, are different, but I’m hoping that will push me faster and not the other way.

Race day is getting close and while it isn’t so much a race in the traditional sense for me, I am excited, nervous and a dozen other emotions all at the same time.  I want it to be December now.  I know it will come soon enough and I’ll be wishing I had a few more weeks to train, but at this moment, I wish the finish line was in sight in more than just my mind.

5.5

 

My day at work was long.  Very long.  But due to a meeting I had close to home near the end of my day, I was home at a rather reasonable hour.  After a quick change it was off to the track.

Today found Kansas City hit with gusty winds that were going only in one direction.  While I am not a fan of getting smacked in the face with a big burst of wind just as I turn a corner, it did keep me cool so I ought not complain. 

I popped in my ear buds and enjoyed Jon Stewart for a bit over an hour and got in my 5.5 miles before the sun went down.  A bit slower than I think it might have been had it been first thing in the morning (and not uber-windy), but I feel good about it.

4.1

 

I did my first track workout today.  It was boring.  Really boring.  There was nothing to see or keep my interest but it is a necessary step to the half in Vegas as I need to get used to walking on a completely flat surface that has slightly less give than the trail on which I’ve been training.  I was only able to get in an hour of time before a gaggle of children arrived to do whatever it is that gaggles of children do on Saturday mornings at a track.  But I did cut 1.4 minutes off of my mile time.  An abridged workout for sure, but a good one none the less.

9

 

Yesterday morning was 9 miles even.  I was exhausted by the end and was actually having a conversation with myself for the last quarter mile, which is up hill.  I was convincing myself I could in fact get there and if I did, it would be a short plateau and then downhill to the car.  I might have looked like an idiot (it was an in-my-head conversation, but I am sure I still looked silly), but I got there.

My new camelback water backpack thingamajig worked rather well.  It was nice not to have a pack on my hips and it was easy to use.

My hips are more achy than they have been, but there is substantial improvement over yesterday night what I had to be picked up at the curb when leaving the ball game because the car was too far for me to hobble, er, I mean walk, and better than having to use my hands to pick up my leg to put it in the car.  So I’m guessing it is just two grouchy IT bands and a few quads that wanted some attention too.  Nothing to sit me out for more than another day or two.

I’ve been awful about updating, but I’m making progress and I know that even if it takes me over three hours (which I’m fairly certain it will), I will get across the finish line in Vegas and I will be proud and strong and all that good stuff.

9.2

 

I woke up early and started at the end of the trail.  The end is less busy than the beginning, which I prefer.  I think it may be less busy because it isn’t convenient to most people and because an out and back path for shorter distances seems easier to plot based on the location of the rests areas/parking lots.  But I digress…

It was nice and cool this morning, only about 64 when I hit the trail.  I actually had on a shirt over my tank, very exciting to volunteer to wear extra layers in August in Missouri.  I felt wonderful as I hit the second parking area (2.35 miles) and kept going to the third (4.64 miles).  I stopped there for some stretching and to catch my breath a bit.  After a few moments I started back towards the trail head.

There is something odd about an out and back on a trial because while you ought to know what is coming, it really does look different from the other direction.  This particular trail runs along a river so it’s all green space and some woods, making it nice scenery for a long walk.

While making my way back, I could feel my muscles starting to burn some but as my knees and hips weren’t too angry I was happy.  When I hit mile 7ish on my route I knew I didn’t have too far left, but I also knew I was getting tired and sore.  More sore than tired, which I think is a good thing, but still.  I didn’t stop at this parking area as I knew there was another just over a mile away and I wanted to keep going.  Part of this whole thing, the half and Crohn’s, is that I want to keep going and I’m not giving up.

I hit the last parking lot before getting back to the trail head and as much as I wanted to just push on, I made friends with the picnic table and gave my legs a break.  After a few minutes I was on my way again, knowing that I didn’t have much time to go.  When I came around the bend and saw the parking lot waiting for me below, I could feel the smile cross my face.

I was happy to see the end because it meant I had gone further than I had before.  It meant that I didn’t give up and call for a ride.  It meant I pushed on even when I wanted to lay down in the grass and let the dew cool me off.  Seeing the end gave me a great preview of how things will feel in Las Vegas in December.  I loved it.

9.2 in the books for today.  3.9 more and I’ll have the distance I need. Until then, that visual will keep me going.

4.28

 

This morning was the first in weeks that the temperature and humidity weren’t completely out of hand.  I woke up early and drove to the parking lot at the start of the trail and was surprised to see it nearly full of cars.  A bunch of bikers rode by and there were several others either gearing up or putting bikes back on car racks.  There was also a large group of high school girls, a cross county team I assume, cooling down and enjoying some oranges after a nice weekend workout.

I remember doing workouts at the lakefront in Milwaukee and while I was never a cross country star, the team aspect and fun of being at the lake always made those workouts fun.  I have to imagine that having such a great trail to train on makes the high school season wonderful for the schools in my area.

I slipped on my knee brace, set my GPS to track my route and pacing and pressed play on my IPOD.  It felt great to be back out as it has been a couple of weeks courtesy of the weather and my knee.  I felt comfortable as the steps ticked by and my knee was feeling pretty good.  I followed my doc’s advice and did a nifty zig-zag move when I hit a downhill in an attempt to take some of the pressure off my knee and it seemed to work fairly well.  I did my best to be an adult and not jump in the mud puddles left over from rain last night and made my way to the first rest area.

By the time I hit the rest area it was starting to heat up and my knee was getting a little achy.  Exercising my better judgment I opted for a shorter out and back than I had planned and turned back for the start of the trail.

Getting back to my car I was tired, but in a good way, not a pass out in the parking lot way, so that was good.  I noticed along the way that pacing was more consistent, with fewer times when I felt I slowed down a lot, also good.  My knee wanted to rest a bit more than the rest of my but I kept pushing it and adjusted my gait when I could to account for that, something I’m happy I was able to do without too much trouble.  I’m scaled back on my miles at current but I’m building back up in a good way, a way that ought not hurt my knee (and the fluid hanging out on it…) and I feel good about that.

All in all, a good 4.28.

All Scanned

 

I had my MRI read today by my orthopedist.  He is the ‘knee guy’ for the Kansas City Chiefs and an all around nice guy.  After reading the films (it’s actually a computer screen these days…new fangled technology and all), he said that I have scar tissue from my previous surgery and some fluid, both of which are causing the pain I have been having.  I got some recommendations on how to take care of it so I don’t mess it up in really bad way, and the all clear to get back into training harder once the weather decides to be something other than disgustingly hot.  Until it cools off though he suggested that I stick to inside stuff as the water loss wouldn’t be great for muscles that need to keep my knee caps in place.

I’m thrilled that I don’t need anything involving a scalpel and that I can get back to it without worrying.  Now if only the temperature would dip below 95 degrees… 

Amazed

I sent out another round of donation emails today, hoping to meet my goal in the not-too-distant future and be able to focus solely on the physical part of things.  Each time I receive a donation I also receive an email.  When my phone buzzes I am normally fairly responsive as aside from my daily noontime junk mail, that buzz generally makes me feel happy,  When the buzz is a donation confirmation email I am always scroll down to see who was kind enough to donate to a worthy cause and who has faith that I can do this.  After I see who, it takes a few more scrolls to see the amount, something which continues to catch me off guard.  But what I love even more is when I get an email or facebook message a few seconds later that gives me a story, the background as to why someone else was moved by all of this and wants to help. 

I received just such a follow up and it made me smile muchly to learn that a childhood camp-mate, and now director of that same camp, is also the director of Camp Oasis in Wisconsin.  Camp Oasis is an amazing thing for kids with IBD, a place where the diagnosis isn't something to hide, and where all the things that go withat diagnosis are understood, acecpted and shared.  What I loved about the email was knowing that other people want to help, want to make a difference for people with IBD, especially kids.

And I love that emails like that remind me that while it might feel like it some of the time, I'm not alone in this fight and I'm not alone when I put the miles in even mine are the only sneaker marks on the trail.

Still hot

The last two weeks the temperature has been hovering around 100 degrees before taking the heat index into account.  Add to that some knee pain I am having explored via MRI to rule out anything substantive today, and it's been all inside, all the time.  I'm trying not to get discouraged as I have a lot of time still to go and have already made great progress on the miles.  But when I have no treadmill and I'm not able to consume or retain the calories I need, it gets a little harder.  I have been increasing my water intake so whenever I can get back outside again my body should handle it better.  Until then though, stretching, lifting a bit and keeping my mental progress moving forward. 

I'm chalking this all up to just being another bump in the road.  That bump reminds me why I'm doing this so I suppose it's a good thing.  I suppose.

3.63

 

It is still miserably hot, and my stomach is still not my best friend, but I braved the heat and the pain for a good 3.63 miles today.

My stomach wanted to stop before I even started, but I’m running this show, right?

I had on my new knee brace (not neoprene, thank goodness!) and it worked surprisingly well.  There were a few pangs of ‘ouch’ but nothing I couldn’t handle.

Limits were pushed, even if on a small scale, and I feel really good about that.